Vulnerable Me

I’m a Performance Coach and have established and built an entire career on understanding and getting the best out of people. It’s what I love to do and to see individuals and teams flourish is where I get my enjoyment and self-belief from.

I’ve always believed in people and have been lucky enough in my life and career to have worked with so many.

From being a tennis coach at 16 years old, a ski instructor at 18, studying Sports Psychology & Exercise Science at The University of Exeter to managing and leading teams of 60 with the responsibility of multi-million pound budgets, my belief has always been that if you truly make it about your people amazing things can happen in a very short period of time.

In one of the most cut-throat and performance related industry sectors (recruitment), I have built a reputation on being able to substantially increase individual and team performance. I put numbers aside and concentrate on skill-sets, the working environment, the positive impact of well-being and happiness and most importantly what makes every individual tick.

Help Me…

I’ve worked with and for some incredibly successful brands where doing well and feeling happy is typically quantified through numbers, a job title, what you earn, how many bedrooms your house has, what car you drive, what you look like, the list goes on and on!

Back in 2015 I was working in a FTSE 250 brand where on the surface it looked like I had everything. I was 31 and the quickest in the company’s history to be promoted to Director. I’d gone from earning 25k to 130k in 4 years, I’d won awards and was winning and succeeding in almost every aspect of the job. I was being spoken about as a potential CEO of the future.

On the face of it everything was incredible, however, behind my eyes and in my head, I was f***** and when I say f*****, I mean really poorly. I had a wife, a three year old son and a little girl on the way. I had given everything I had to this company and they were rewarding me for it. I gave them all of me and everything I was, there was nothing left for anyone else. I would get home shattered by the job and the mask I was wearing and feel completely guilt ridden because I couldn’t look at my wife or son in the eye anymore, because of what I’d become.

My wife gave birth to my little girl on Boxing Day 2013. I can barely remember it. I was thinking about work and succeeding at work. It had become my life and ultimately how I quantified myself.

As my responsibilities increased further and my success continued, I was becoming more erratic, more angry, more upset and more distressed at who I was. Behind the scenes, I was seeking solace and relief in pursuits that would only hurt me more, but it didn’t matter because I was so far gone, what was the point in turning back.

If you had spent a day with me at this period in my life, I feel confident that I could have made you envious of my perfect lie, but inside I was spiralling into some of the darkest places I have ever known.

Performance…

I’ve been told many times that one of my greatest strengths is my ability not to judge, but to take the time to get to know someone first. This has come from so much self-inflicted hurt, reflection and understanding that how we present ourselves outwardly might not be how we feel inwardly.

Reflecting back on every aspect of my life, from my first conscious memory to the present day, I have realised that to feel and accept vulnerability and to have found a way to talk about it would have benefited me in so many ways.

What I wanted was someone impartial, not family, not a really close friend, not a boss, not a psychiatrist, just someone who might be open and understanding of what I might be going through. I wanted a sounding board, someone to stimulate my mind, someone to challenge my skill-sets and my beliefs.

Instead of wanting someone to tell me what to do, I wanted someone to discuss my goals (and any successes or disappointments) with and give me the autonomy, confidence and self-belief to make decisions and changes without fear – ‘human to human’.

Understanding how I felt and what I wanted from someone has enabled me from a young age, to coach, manage and lead people in this way.

A Sales Director once said to me, “I have absolutely no idea how you do it, but you get 30% more out of me than anyone else I’ve ever been managed by and I haven’t felt this happy in a long time.”

The secret – This person was talking to me about how they felt!

If you’d like to talk…

I would love to hear from you, so please feel free to either email me directly or send me your details and a short message.

matt@thevulnerableleader.co.uk